Dear Bestest Aunty Julie,
Today has bin unheventfil as HuMum has had der brain-acheys. Dis hab meen she basically turn into a gweyhound for hole day. She hab hog der big sofa, dun snoozles unda a blankie upsidey-down an eated fings, dun weewee an stuff befor just returnin to sofa. She hab not got der rite ideea wiv der medysin tablits I fink as she duz not seem to hyde dem in der sossidgey-neggs. Most silly.
Dispyte her sofa slobbin, HuMum hab today (so far) avoyded der heavy-tayl problim I most hembarrassinly espereeunced der uvva day. Also she not (yet) dun a crispy tongue due to der escaped tung sydwome (ETS) – a well known hafflicshun of der gweyhound as I shor yoo nows. Followin sum debayte, Milly an I hab concludied dat dispyte evidinse of houndylikeness, HuMum still akshully be a hooman. Havin sed dat, as yoo well no I do feel me dear girlyfwend be a pork pie or too short of der picnik so I gess we shall settel der matter layter by observin fwom witch bowl der HuMum duz eat her dindins.
Dis mornin an dis aftynoon we did do park walkies an met sum mor nu fwends. Hunforchly on der last park walkie we did hexpirryense der muchly sky-dwizzels an HuMum dun gone an forgetsed us coats! Again! Woz deepwy wefweshin let’s just say.
Dispyte me hangxities regardin der dampfur shwinkage, I am pleasd to weport dat on our return I dids meshur meself gainst me bed an am still der wight syze. Phew. Did insist on bein towselled wiv der flufftyteatowel of cors. Can’t hav standards slippin at Hound Towers wiv der qualitay of servis fwom der hoomans.
Uvver noos, the big smol 2-legs woz hupset in der evenin as anuvver big smol hooman been doin nasties to him at der skoolplais. As yooshul I dids soopervize der weeding of der skool weeding book and den I dun him a snuggel to cheer him up and gonna be sooper to him tomowwow as I fink he is luffly an I don’t lyk me HuBrothers bein hupset. Us Forever Famliy gotta looks afta eash uvver. Mebbe I give him a raw meety duck nekk.
HuMum say termorrow we is doin anuvver jogging! Dis is heggsiytink noos! I shall do mor ritings vewy soons.
Luff and wags,
PS for all me weaders out there. If you like houndytypes like me, you can find me fwends ere: /our-dogs/